The Tryst of Truth and Lie

When you see the father looking up at the roof, mother doing indiscriminate poojas and bhajans, unknown faces pouring into their house every weekend,; you should get the hint that their daughter has turned 23 and the time has come to pack her off.

                 If you want to buy a car you check things like mileage, color, after service& after sale. But when it comes to marriage there are people who go all the way in knowing the direction of Jupiter and Saturn of the bride and the groom were 25 years back. Yes, I am talking horoscope and the role it plays in getting people together.

                 When I was 23 I came to Chennai took my first job and had set out to find my knight in shining armor. Later in few weeks my parents got me registered in shaadi.com, bharthmatrimony.com and all other .coms whose founders become rich connecting millions of desperate individuals. I traversed thorough the length, breadth and depth of these .coms and filtered out “the best ones” and forwarded them to my parents to initiate the next step. After a couple of days my mom called up and said none of these profiles have through. I asked Why? Am I not intelligent? Am I not good looking? How could all the guys turn me down. It seemed that one of the experienced family astrologer had conjured a esoteric remark saying that the girls Saturn is rotating so fast that it obstructs the movement of the boys Mars which would hinder our growth in future. These astrologers are so intelligent that before even the girl and boy would meet/talk they would predict the problems they can face as a couple.This is not once or twice, it happened every time I found an interesting guy, every time my intuition said “He is the one.” Do you really think these stars can respond to what heart/brain feels??

              Anyways I was disappointed and had resigned after all this, it was now my parents turn in choosing my man and I was very curious to see what is that the stars have to say !!. I was sent across photo and profile of a BITS-Pilani guy settled in US. But that was not the best part in him ,it was his 10 stars matching with my 10 stars. And our dear astrologer had confirmed that this unison will bring prosperity and happiness for both of us. Do you think I need stars to be happy in life?? . But somehow I was convinced to see this prospect. And I was instructed to behave nicely and more specifically behave like a girl to impress him. He wanted to meet in this Chrompet temple. I was dressed up in my favorite peacock blue suit. I carried my horoscope with the nine grids as an identity proof in case he fails to recognize me by face. He came in a white dhoti with a blue striped shirt and as he came closer I noticed the three streaks of vibhooti that ran across his temple. I had already imagined the Pluto and Mars surrounding him that would ensure our compatibility Though I could see the personality mismatch still I waited for him to talk something.. He introduced himself and said(In a mallu accent) “This side of the temple is blocked.. Why don’t we go to the back side and talk.” Oh! I wished my Jupiter were displaced a little to the east and I wouldn’t have needed to meet this prospect. We continued to talk sometimes about the “college days” (in mallu accent) and sometimes “the fun we had at copy”. He failed to keep me interested even for 5 minutes. How do I spend my entire life with him? I know my dad would not be happy with my decision but I had to ask this question “Why should stars decide? Why not hearts?” It is a high time that the previous generation understands that we are born to question, on the stars on the horoscopes and everything which they believe is true. We do respect their values and their cherished beliefs. I can very well see my mother and father happily married for 25 years after an “impeccable horoscope screening”. But is it just because of that? Whenever they fight do they say “Our horoscopes match so you better be nice with me” In fact those nine grids become a forgotten story once the knot is tied and it is the understanding, the love ,the mutual respect that binds them together.

Coming to my story “There behind you sits the prince charming whom I chose and my parents approved. Its going to be an year but we never had any major conflict. And our stars have said nothing to us as we never matched him. But I have something to say to the singles who do not believe in horoscopes “You ll very soon find your star girl/boy” and for the believers of horoscopes “Please be ready with the question that the generations to come will ask as I did” “WHAT STARS DON’T SAY”

I pondered for days on what to talk

I thought it in sleep thought it while walk

Counting the vicissitudes that I have gone by

But some memoirs of life that never die

A series of happenings with some spice
Here I am today to break the ice

So here I go with my journey. I was born in Madurai and since my dad is a central government employee we kept moving. Every place was a sojourn for our family-mom dad and only younger brother, so much that I had to finish schooling from 8 schools!! In this nomadic life though I had a tough time coping up with the new atmosphere and new set of friends I got to learn5-7 languages. And another unique flavor I could taste was I could play a different character in each place. In one school I would try to be the wiz kid whereas in the next I would be the most notorious one in the class. But my hair remained to be my identity. I was called “satpura ke ghane jungle” to budhiya ke baal” to “steel wool” and what not. The guys who used to sit behind me sometimes used it to throw pencil scrap or even used it as a pen stand and I would not even know. Initially I had a complex about my hair but later I enjoyed being a laughing stock and the centre of attention. I did my engineering from the beautiful city Ahmedabad. Life goes on till late night. There are these roadside dhabas opening at 8 in night whereas in Chennai people start closing at that time. The yummy yummy pav bhajis, khakhras and theplas I would never forget. In fact wish to revisit the place and savor all that again. After my engineering I pursued my M Tech from Delhi. Time flew and I was in Chennai into this job. Before I could start breathing the air of freedom my parents broached the topic of marriage. “Gal, Do you have someone in your mind?” And I had to say it with a tinge of embarrassment that “No Dad you ought to find someone for me!!”. There are two things when you don’t have a boy friend. Either you didn’t like anyone or nobody liked you. And I didn’t come across anyone interesting. I found there is nothing different to know in them. Universally there are just three things that every guy knew, studied and understood, those were women, sports and bikes. And why no guy liked me? I was a very cocky kind of gal. I didn’t fall in to the typical definition of a girl defined by guys. I was a she-male –the she version of a male .So finally I got my profile posted in bharatmatrimony.com, shaadi.com all the dot coms available in the market looking for brides. I get requests and a many were simply hilarious. One gentleman had written “ I want a girl like a mother” How am I supposed to interpret : Does he want a gal who treats him like a son , or does he want a gal whose nature is like his mother? Or does he actually want to marry a mother!! And there was another gentleman who goes like “I want a girl like Jyotika in the movie Jillunu oru kaadal” But one clichéd word I found in every guys requirement was “beautiful”. All I was looking for was wit, money and love and was ready to marry anyone who had a balanced mix of these three. I gave interviews and took interviews, rejected and faced rejections and finally met the man of my life. Friends I am 3 month old wife here talking to you. And marriage is not as simple I used to think. I got to be the Anjappar chef for my mother in law , adept daughter in law for my father in law ,a shoppers stop for my sister in law and a lucky charm for my husband !!

Mauritus – thatched roof huts, crystal clear skies, pristine sand flashed before my eyes as my fiancée explained about Mauritius. What made things more exciting than these is that my fiancée promised that we will be going to Mauritius for our honeymoon. I quipped “but isn’t that going to be expensive?”. He brushed that off casually - “honeymoon is all about setting the stage for the next 40-50 years of life and I want that to start on grand note.” After I hung up the phone I found it hard to get sleep amidst the sound of waves crashing against beach.

I spent the next few weeks preparing about our Mauritus trip. I checked out the weather, what sort of clothes I should wear and whether the color would go with the scenery. So I brought up the plans once again with my fiancée and gleefully mentioned all the background work I have done and when are we booking the tickets – either individually or going with a tour operator. There was some silence in the other line and “hmm..there has been some development…errr..you see, the gift expenses have gone too far and eer you know the gold prices eer the worldwide economy, the situation in Australia, Taliban etc. So he apologetically asked “why don’t we scale back our plans?” So I was like “OK, so you mean reduce from number days from 8 to 5? “No, I was thinking more like chose a bit of nearer place like..Kerala”..

Gosh Kerala was definitely a steep drop from Mauritius. So much for opening one’s married life in “Grand” note. I asked him “But what about Maurtitus and opening things in grand note.” He was like “Oh honey these are just trifles. Does place even matter? If you are with me even Marina Beach is Mauritius to me”. Oh these men..All they know is making promises !! Never trust them..Well I thought of all things to stay positive about honeymoon in Kerala – its going to be terribly raining, possibly somebody from the family might want to tag along since its near TamilNadu, three out of five people u ask would have had their honeymoon in Kerala and the rest two are not yet married. Gosh, there isn’t anything positive about Kerala..

Ok I thought let me get a grip of myself and I am sure the situation could be worked out. Ok let start with the constraints. How much is the budget. He said well the budget has been reduced by which he meant the budget been terribly slashed down thanks to his parties in Bangalore.. So the irony of life - things that fit within budget you tend to invariably not like and the things you love are out of budget.

I kept calling different tour operators and website which gave glossy pictures of honeymooners having the time of their life with a price tag that didn’t suit my fiancés delicate budget. I wish the geography teacher who thought about different countries of the world had given an indication of flight expenses so things would have been simple. And just when I thought “Kerala here I come” a friend suggested Nepal. Kathmandu with its scenic beauty, Pokhra with its lakes, canoes and flight trip around Mt Everest fit the bill perfectly. And the fact Nepal rupees is cheaper than Indian currency clinched the deal with my fiancé .

I don’t know what I missed in Maurtius but Nepal was extremely fun save for the nuisance of my fiancée or rather my husband with his laptop and entering every expenses the next nano second in to the excel sheet. Right from the small danglers that I bought of the phone bill for the half an hour ISD call that I would make home !! We shot past the budget but it was fun.

Now for the third marriage anniversary he is promising we will go to Switzerland. Knowing him as much as I do over these years I am hoping “budgetary constraints” won’t make our plans dip too much below and probably after all I will get to see Maurtius. Keeping my fingers crossed.

“When you have only two rupees left in the pocket, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily for your loved one with the other.” A beautiful Chinese proverb.One fine morning during coffee, We were chalking out plans for our first anniversary celebration. That is when we came across this quote. It made us ponder, Celebrations and occasions apart how much of quality time have we spent with each other in the last one year, and you wont believe there weren’t enough instances to count. Our lives have been so busy and occupied. His workstation was based in Bangalore. Though he worked from home, he had to frequently shuttle between Bangalore and Chennai. And I was busy preparing for the MBA entrances. The idea of our weekend was not watching a movie but going to TIME and Career launcher to take Mock CATs. We have been running around so much that we dint realize that its going to be an year after marriage.

Friends, this is not only me but this is the case with most of my friends and people around these days. There are so many other priorities in life that people miss to take out time to love. How much have we changed over the generation ! There was a time when it used to be a joint family system with more than 20 members staying in the same house. It reduced to a joint family with lesser number of siblings. Then we changed to nuclear families and today the husband is in one city, the wife is in another city and the kid in the boarding school. We are simply drifting apart. This generation does have a better vision about life, we know what we want to be doing, but are we achieving the core essentials of our life? Are we loving each other and spreading happiness around or we are too busy in our own shells ? This is a question I have always found difficult to answer. When I was looking for a profile change I came across Venkat and I was asking him for options available. Before addressing my question the first thing he said was, You guys got recently married and these are the golden years of married life, Why don’t you take light and do this racing a little later? It sounded old fashioned to me at that time but thinking to the depth it does makes sense. Technology changes, new gadgets flood into the market, life becomes more and more sophisticated but even decades after decades the joy of love doesn’t change. The need for the happiness is still the same as with our old generation. But unfortunately we just don’t have time.

I want to share the story of one of my aunt. It is not a coffee break story but something that really touches me and puts me to think what am I here for? My aunt is aged 38 and she chose to be a spinster and dedicate her life for a cause than leading just another biological cycle of life. She runs an adoption centre and is the mother of some 50 odd gods children. I had a close experience during my school vacation. There was one 8 year old girl Selvi. She lost her mother at the age of 2 and her drunkard father couldn’t afford to raise her. There were many other kids in the adoption center who had their own stories. but this Selvi being of my age I used to play with her often. Whenever she felt sad of not having a family my Aunt would cheer her up saying once someone adopts her she will have a new mother.. a new life and the affection she was craving for. Finally there was a Spanish couple who wanted to take her along with. My Aunt prepared all the adoption papers and the day of departure, the Spanish mother bent down and kissed her new daughter, Selvi who was wearing my old frock turned and looked at my Aunt. There was a feeling of gratitude in her eyes. She meant to say thanks, a thanks for giving me the source of purest love in this world – the love of parents. Through her eyes I can see this happiness flowing through the depth’s of her soul.

Friends, happiness could be different things to different people. We may toil, work hard & smart and become Fortune 500 firm’s CFOs, CEOs, travel in BMWs and see one’s bank account growing but is his/her “love account” growing? Growing love account requires one to take out time, be together with family and be ready to take part in their sadness and happiness. The first circle of happiness is what man draws around himself, the next circle is around his family and then a few like my Aunt extend the circle to change the destiny of faceless people. We would never meet the purpose of evolution without spreading love and happiness. Let’s brew happiness and the joy of love around. I would end this with the same quote “When you have only two rupees left in the pocket, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily for your loved one with the other.”

How many times when we go to any local market and spend half of the time haggling over the prices? Be it vegetables be it clothes be it apparels don’t you think this is just a roadside shop and since there is no MRP you can ask for the cheapest rate possible. But, what about art?

I am very closely attached to art. From the age of 6 I had a penchant for creative arts. I used to paint, make sketches, greeting cards and anything that had an artistic appeal. And I am passionate to have my own art gallery at some point in life. So I have been taking frequent visits to the art schools and observe them paint amidst the lap of nature. Also I used to go to galleries where these paintings are exhibited and sold. I have seen their talent earn them a good amount of money, specially the professional artists and students from the sophisticated arts college. The prime purchasers used to be these hotels who pick up the modern art and some interior designers. They pay a hefty sum of Rs 1 lakh for each painting!! I have never seen painting as a profession; it has only been my passion. But I used to compare the ones hung in the gallery with mine to find out how much can my talents fetch me and was quite content with the estimates.

But friends, there is a stark difference between established artists and a poor artist. People tend to pay the price for the sophistication not for the talent of the artist. Yes, I understand that there is always a difference between a brand and a roadside store, I understand why coffee is Rs 4 in that small stall and it becomes 60 rupees in a café coffee day. But is coffee the same as creativity?

Couple of weekends back, me and my husband we went to Pondicherry and you all must know this Auroville. It is a small village kind of place where these artists sell their craft pieces. I was thrilled to see them. And friends you won’t believe they pick up anything available at the junk yard and make a fine show piece out of it, be it a shard or a fissured fragment of wood. They had a mind blowing art on display. But see the sad state, a gentleman entered and for a craft work quoted 500 he simply asked to sell him the piece for 100. Man !! the artisan kept pleading him to pay at least 400 for the same. The bargaining went on and this gentleman simply walked his way out of the shop. The artisan had to call him back and offer that piece for meager 150. This is the situation of these poor artists. And we ,are so stolid that we think these roadside shops they just hike the price that too for a small piece of junk which is almost free of cost. The value of his creativity is completely lost.

Another instance, last month when I was in Delhi, I went to this place called Dilli haat. Again, there every month there is a display of handicrafts from each state. This time it was North east. And I saw this leaf there(show the leaf). Friends, this is not a piece of cloth but the natural leaf .The process of bringing it to this state is very tedious :They dry it for couple of months and then soak it in water for couple of months and it needs precision to achieve this ,that too in a period of 6 months. The rate of wastage is 80 % and imagine after all this how much was he selling this for ? 10 rupees. Otherwise nobody would buy it. I got the whole basket from him with all the leaves though I don’t know what will I be doing with that.

But I pity him, I pity such people who can never quote the price of their creativity just because they are poor, just because they couldn’t afford to go to an art school, They never got an opportunity to sell their paintings to these five star hotels. Just put yourself in their shoes and think for a while. It hurts right. I don’t know I feel so much for them since I paint and I make crafts ,I feel that the efforts get trampled.

So friends next time you visit a local art gallery remember that this artisan is selling his masterpiece , Please don’t haggle over the price. Either buy or walk away. At least don’t offend his art by saying “C’mon this is just a cane, Why do you have to charge so much?” You don’t have the right to value anybody’s creativity. Who are you? Even the richest person in the world cannot afford to buy anybody’s creativity. ART IS PRICELESS